I've been thinking about role models lately, and how they can impact our lives and make us rethink things. I'm not talking about supposed entertainment role models, like, let's say Michael Vick, who gets lumped into being a sports role model just because his natural abilities led to making a lot of money which led to running a dog fighting ring which led to jail. Oops.
I'm talking about average people. I'm talking about someone like Debbie Smith.
"Who?" you're thinking. Well let me backtrack for a while.
APRIL 29, 2009
It was a bit slow at work, so I was doing my usual checking of my favorite websites: gofugyourself.com, facebook.com, chey's blog, nytimes.com. I scan over the op-ed titles, and there is Nicholas Kristof's column, with the title, "Is Rape Serious?" A chill went through me. I felt frozen. Then I felt angry - who the hell does this NY Times guy think he is? Of course, Kristof has a knack for titling his columns pretty provocatively - see today's, "Would You Slap Your Father? If So, You're a Liberal." How could you not read it?
So I read it (well, both the columns, but we're talking about April 29th). It was about the backlog of rape kits in this country, mostly concentrating on LA county. At the time of a Human Rights Watch account of the problem, there were 12,669 rape kits sitting in police storage facilities in LA county alone - 450 of which had been untouched in 10 years. After the crime itself, then being brave enough to suffer through the process of having a rape kit done, the fact that police departments let the evidence sit on shelves is beyond insulting. Why? There is talk of cost, the difficulty of prosecution (no one wants to argue a he said/she said case), and the questioning of the victims credibility.
Here's the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/30/opinion/30kristof.html?_r=1
Link to the HRW report: http://www.hrw.org/en/reports/2009/03/31/testing-justice-0
This is not the case in New York City. In 1999, Howard Safir, the Police Commissioner at the time, was frustrated with the rape kit backlog in the city. He helped found the Rape Evidence Project which raised private funds to get rid of the backlog. New York City cleared all 16,000 of its outstanding rape kits by 2003, and has not had a backlog since.
But that's just New York City. Human Rights Watch estimated that there were 500,000 nationwide in 2002, up from 180,000 in 1999.
That was before Debbie Smith. Debbie Smith was a rape victim who was kidnapped from her home. Her attacker threatened to come back and kill her if she reported the crime. She first found the strength to ignore his threats and reported the rape (her husband was a police officer), and submitted to a rape kit. It sat in storage for six and a half years. During that time, she lived in fear and was suicidal, not knowing of course that the rapist was sitting in jail after having been arrested a couple of months after the rape for an unrelated crime.
After the kit was tested, her rapist was convicted. This was not the end for Debbie though. She decided after the ordeal to lobby for nationwide DNA-matching technology. She testified in front of Congress and worked with Caroline Maloney who was working on anti-rape legislation at the time. In November 2004, the Debbie Smith Act was passed which provided federal funding to deal with the nationwide epidemic of the rape kit backlog. The funding has been renewed, with new funds totaling $151 million for 2009.
Unfortunately, even with the funding, there is still a backlog. Most of the focus is on LA County and the City of Los Angeles, but they are not alone in their negligence on this issue. That's a whole different blog entry.
Back to Debbie Smith and her role model-ness. I admire this woman for coming forward although she was threatened. I admire her for going through having a rape kit performed, although it is an invasive process. Mostly, I admire her for this: she did not remain quiet after her case was closed, she continued to fight for other women who may end up in the same devastating situation, and she continues to fight. Although I still think we're a long way off, her efforts may help ease the stigma of this crime for women.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The battle of the (toilet room) sexes
The project I'm currently working on is mostly an infrastructure improvement project, so there are very few design opportunities. One of these is the public restrooms. I know, you're thinking bathrooms? Really? Well, yes. The bathrooms are the one area of the museum other than the admissions desk (yes! another design opportunity) that most of the public will visit.
So after a week full of meetings where I have very little time in the office, I come in, and one of my co-workers is drafting up a design of the women's room sketched by the partner we're working with. I look at it, absorb what his intent is, and a slow creeping feeling of dread soaks in.
There is fluorescent lighting.
There are individual mirrors in lieu of a continuous wall mirror.
There are no purse shelves.
There is a very twee looking wavy counter.
There are custom made trash receptacles that stick out past the curvy counter that I'm sure will result in bruises right at the hip bone.
Its all enough to make me wonder if he hates women.
About commercial/public restroom design: from the complaints I've gotten from women about the bathrooms that they use on a daily basis, my guess is that most of these spaces are designed by men. The bathroom in my office, for example, has multiple design flaws (yes, it was designed by the partner I'm working with). The lighting not only is fluorescent, its mounted to the wall above the mirrors in a way that the light level is diminished if you lean in close to the mirror. There are individual mirrors in front of the sinks, so if someone is adjusting her makeup (or just checking themselves out, playing with their hair) you can't get to a sink. There's also nowhere to put a purse or even a make-up bag.
I sat down with my boss to discuss the design, and to try to get him to relent on some on the things that I saw a problem with. After having to pull the 'well, as someone who happens to use a women's restroom everyday' card while discussing why I thought some things were problematic, he wouldn't budge. He did however, propose that I come up with a different design, and we'd present both options to the client group.
DESIGN SHOWDOWN, APRIL 28TH, 10AM
During one of our bi-monthy meetings, we presented both designs. My boss smugly asked me to explain some of the differences between the two designs. I took on one of the more critical differences, the opposite approaches to the mirror. When I explained that a continuous wall mirror allows someone to use the mirror without blocking a sink, all the women in the room exclaimed, "Oh!" They may as well have hit their palm against their forehead.
This is not rocket science.
In the end, the layout has incorporated ideas from both designs. The client group preferred the wavy counter. The fluorescent lights have been concealed in a cove construction, and we're adding incandencent lights above the sinks. We've incorporated purse shelves at each end of the counter. We're still waiting to hear back from them about the mirrors - some of the women get the idea behind the continuous mirror, but feel that it's too much reflection (wait until there's an event at the museum and you've got women competing for mirror space, that's what I say). We have added additional mirrors elsewhere in the bathroom to compensate.
So after a week full of meetings where I have very little time in the office, I come in, and one of my co-workers is drafting up a design of the women's room sketched by the partner we're working with. I look at it, absorb what his intent is, and a slow creeping feeling of dread soaks in.
There is fluorescent lighting.
There are individual mirrors in lieu of a continuous wall mirror.
There are no purse shelves.
There is a very twee looking wavy counter.
There are custom made trash receptacles that stick out past the curvy counter that I'm sure will result in bruises right at the hip bone.
Its all enough to make me wonder if he hates women.
About commercial/public restroom design: from the complaints I've gotten from women about the bathrooms that they use on a daily basis, my guess is that most of these spaces are designed by men. The bathroom in my office, for example, has multiple design flaws (yes, it was designed by the partner I'm working with). The lighting not only is fluorescent, its mounted to the wall above the mirrors in a way that the light level is diminished if you lean in close to the mirror. There are individual mirrors in front of the sinks, so if someone is adjusting her makeup (or just checking themselves out, playing with their hair) you can't get to a sink. There's also nowhere to put a purse or even a make-up bag.
I sat down with my boss to discuss the design, and to try to get him to relent on some on the things that I saw a problem with. After having to pull the 'well, as someone who happens to use a women's restroom everyday' card while discussing why I thought some things were problematic, he wouldn't budge. He did however, propose that I come up with a different design, and we'd present both options to the client group.
DESIGN SHOWDOWN, APRIL 28TH, 10AM
During one of our bi-monthy meetings, we presented both designs. My boss smugly asked me to explain some of the differences between the two designs. I took on one of the more critical differences, the opposite approaches to the mirror. When I explained that a continuous wall mirror allows someone to use the mirror without blocking a sink, all the women in the room exclaimed, "Oh!" They may as well have hit their palm against their forehead.
This is not rocket science.
In the end, the layout has incorporated ideas from both designs. The client group preferred the wavy counter. The fluorescent lights have been concealed in a cove construction, and we're adding incandencent lights above the sinks. We've incorporated purse shelves at each end of the counter. We're still waiting to hear back from them about the mirrors - some of the women get the idea behind the continuous mirror, but feel that it's too much reflection (wait until there's an event at the museum and you've got women competing for mirror space, that's what I say). We have added additional mirrors elsewhere in the bathroom to compensate.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The alphabet of dating
In response to Chey's post - "a rolodex of blooming lust." Thanks for the inspiration. Here's my own list of rules (some of which are repeats from Chey's list and not all of which I've learned from myself. I'll let you guess which ones), or things I've learned along the way.
A is for answer. If someone you're dating won't give you a straight-up answer to your questions, they're lying about something. Especially if they can't look you in the eye.
B is for baby-sit. This may be how you feel if you date someone who was born when you were in high school. I've heard of some people using the formula: your age/2 +7 = the minimum age of possible dating candidates. This would be 27 for me. 13 years younger? I thought I was pushing it with 11 years younger with the guy I dated in the fall.
C is for cabfare. Always carry enough to get yourself home. That way, if some date that you really can't wait to get away from offers you a ride or a walk home, you have an escape plan.
D is for dog. Although its not true of all guys, guys with dogs are usually good. There is always the chance however that they will be more committed to the dog than to you.
E is for ex-wife. If a guy has anger issues regarding his ex-wife, or if he still refers to her as his wife, stay away.
F is for funny. Its important to have a sense of humor.
G is for girlfriend. Don't get involved with someone who already has one. This goes without saying that it applies to 'wife' also. They will rarely ever leave the person they're already involved with, and you'll only feel unfulfilled.
H is for homophobe. Stay away from anyone who doesn't have respect for other's sexual choices. Chances are this is just the tip of the iceberg of his intolerance.
I is for intuition. Always be prepared with an excuse to leave if you get a bad feeling about someone.
J is for jail. Don't date someone who's been there. Or has warrants out for his arrest, especially if they are in more than one state.
K is for keeping one's cool. If you run into an ex, and he knows how to push your buttons, don't let him. You're only giving him what he wants. For whatever reason, it makes him feel good to see you get angry or upset.
L is for love. Its what we all want, right?
M is for money. Don't lend it to someone you're not on the greatest terms with and think that you'll ever see it again.
N is for name. Don't sleep with someone who's name you don't know.
O is for optimism. Try to stay positive even after someone breaks your heart. Negativity and wallowing in self pity will get you nowhere.
P is for pair. If you're happy in a relationship, great. But for the sake of everyone around you, keep some of your autonomy. You're still an individual.
Q is for quiz. If someone you're dating feels like they have to question the state of the relationship every month, its probably time to get out of it. Especially if its the first couple of months.
R is for racist. If a first date exhibits this sort of behavior, run. Similar to entry for H.
S is for stalking. Don't do this, either actually or virtually. You'll either find out too much about a person too soon or if the person finds out, they will freak out. Or both.
T is for talk. as in communication. This is a good thing.
U is for ultimatum. If someone gives you one, seriously consider walking away. It probably won't be the last one.
V is for variety. Try dating a variety of men. Especially if 'your type' isn't exactly working for you.
W is for warn. If a friend warns you about a guy, he or she is probably right. Whether or not you really want to tell them to butt out of your life.
X is for xebec. Don't date one of these.
Y is for yellow. Unless you're into it, don't let someone pee on you. Although the thought of that always makes me think of Stranger than Candy.
Z is for zoo. Be careful of guys who treat you like a rare bird they've discovered in a zoo. They will be disappointed when you prove to be an actual person.
A is for answer. If someone you're dating won't give you a straight-up answer to your questions, they're lying about something. Especially if they can't look you in the eye.
B is for baby-sit. This may be how you feel if you date someone who was born when you were in high school. I've heard of some people using the formula: your age/2 +7 = the minimum age of possible dating candidates. This would be 27 for me. 13 years younger? I thought I was pushing it with 11 years younger with the guy I dated in the fall.
C is for cabfare. Always carry enough to get yourself home. That way, if some date that you really can't wait to get away from offers you a ride or a walk home, you have an escape plan.
D is for dog. Although its not true of all guys, guys with dogs are usually good. There is always the chance however that they will be more committed to the dog than to you.
E is for ex-wife. If a guy has anger issues regarding his ex-wife, or if he still refers to her as his wife, stay away.
F is for funny. Its important to have a sense of humor.
G is for girlfriend. Don't get involved with someone who already has one. This goes without saying that it applies to 'wife' also. They will rarely ever leave the person they're already involved with, and you'll only feel unfulfilled.
H is for homophobe. Stay away from anyone who doesn't have respect for other's sexual choices. Chances are this is just the tip of the iceberg of his intolerance.
I is for intuition. Always be prepared with an excuse to leave if you get a bad feeling about someone.
J is for jail. Don't date someone who's been there. Or has warrants out for his arrest, especially if they are in more than one state.
K is for keeping one's cool. If you run into an ex, and he knows how to push your buttons, don't let him. You're only giving him what he wants. For whatever reason, it makes him feel good to see you get angry or upset.
L is for love. Its what we all want, right?
M is for money. Don't lend it to someone you're not on the greatest terms with and think that you'll ever see it again.
N is for name. Don't sleep with someone who's name you don't know.
O is for optimism. Try to stay positive even after someone breaks your heart. Negativity and wallowing in self pity will get you nowhere.
P is for pair. If you're happy in a relationship, great. But for the sake of everyone around you, keep some of your autonomy. You're still an individual.
Q is for quiz. If someone you're dating feels like they have to question the state of the relationship every month, its probably time to get out of it. Especially if its the first couple of months.
R is for racist. If a first date exhibits this sort of behavior, run. Similar to entry for H.
S is for stalking. Don't do this, either actually or virtually. You'll either find out too much about a person too soon or if the person finds out, they will freak out. Or both.
T is for talk. as in communication. This is a good thing.
U is for ultimatum. If someone gives you one, seriously consider walking away. It probably won't be the last one.
V is for variety. Try dating a variety of men. Especially if 'your type' isn't exactly working for you.
W is for warn. If a friend warns you about a guy, he or she is probably right. Whether or not you really want to tell them to butt out of your life.
X is for xebec. Don't date one of these.
Y is for yellow. Unless you're into it, don't let someone pee on you. Although the thought of that always makes me think of Stranger than Candy.
Z is for zoo. Be careful of guys who treat you like a rare bird they've discovered in a zoo. They will be disappointed when you prove to be an actual person.
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