The alphabet of dating

In response to Chey's post - "a rolodex of blooming lust." Thanks for the inspiration. Here's my own list of rules (some of which are repeats from Chey's list and not all of which I've learned from myself. I'll let you guess which ones), or things I've learned along the way.

A is for answer. If someone you're dating won't give you a straight-up answer to your questions, they're lying about something. Especially if they can't look you in the eye.

B is for baby-sit. This may be how you feel if you date someone who was born when you were in high school. I've heard of some people using the formula: your age/2 +7 = the minimum age of possible dating candidates. This would be 27 for me. 13 years younger? I thought I was pushing it with 11 years younger with the guy I dated in the fall.

C is for cabfare. Always carry enough to get yourself home. That way, if some date that you really can't wait to get away from offers you a ride or a walk home, you have an escape plan.

D is for dog. Although its not true of all guys, guys with dogs are usually good. There is always the chance however that they will be more committed to the dog than to you.

E is for ex-wife. If a guy has anger issues regarding his ex-wife, or if he still refers to her as his wife, stay away.

F is for funny. Its important to have a sense of humor.

G is for girlfriend. Don't get involved with someone who already has one. This goes without saying that it applies to 'wife' also. They will rarely ever leave the person they're already involved with, and you'll only feel unfulfilled.

H is for homophobe. Stay away from anyone who doesn't have respect for other's sexual choices. Chances are this is just the tip of the iceberg of his intolerance.

I is for intuition. Always be prepared with an excuse to leave if you get a bad feeling about someone.

J is for jail. Don't date someone who's been there. Or has warrants out for his arrest, especially if they are in more than one state.

K is for keeping one's cool. If you run into an ex, and he knows how to push your buttons, don't let him. You're only giving him what he wants. For whatever reason, it makes him feel good to see you get angry or upset.

L is for love. Its what we all want, right?

M is for money. Don't lend it to someone you're not on the greatest terms with and think that you'll ever see it again.

N is for name. Don't sleep with someone who's name you don't know.

O is for optimism. Try to stay positive even after someone breaks your heart. Negativity and wallowing in self pity will get you nowhere.

P is for pair. If you're happy in a relationship, great. But for the sake of everyone around you, keep some of your autonomy. You're still an individual.

Q is for quiz. If someone you're dating feels like they have to question the state of the relationship every month, its probably time to get out of it. Especially if its the first couple of months.

R is for racist. If a first date exhibits this sort of behavior, run. Similar to entry for H.

S is for stalking. Don't do this, either actually or virtually. You'll either find out too much about a person too soon or if the person finds out, they will freak out. Or both.

T is for talk. as in communication. This is a good thing.

U is for ultimatum. If someone gives you one, seriously consider walking away. It probably won't be the last one.

V is for variety. Try dating a variety of men. Especially if 'your type' isn't exactly working for you.

W is for warn. If a friend warns you about a guy, he or she is probably right. Whether or not you really want to tell them to butt out of your life.

X is for xebec. Don't date one of these.

Y is for yellow. Unless you're into it, don't let someone pee on you. Although the thought of that always makes me think of Stranger than Candy.

Z is for zoo. Be careful of guys who treat you like a rare bird they've discovered in a zoo. They will be disappointed when you prove to be an actual person.